So. Rude.

Rude, Stupid, and Annoying Questions People Ask Parents: Is She Adopted? begins with this: "Unfortunately, interracial or biracial couples often get asked if their baby is adopted if he or she looks very much like the other parent." Unfortunately, the author doesn't fully explain why this is unfortunate. The only explanation I can seem to glean from the article is that

even if you are right and the child is adopted, why would you think it is appropriate to comment about this in front of the child? Depending on the situation, there is a fair chance that child hasn't been told yet that he is adopted and your rude comment may have done a lot more harm than you could ever imagine.

This I get. Though I still agree with Hopgood that parents shouldn't hide adoption from their children, this would be a harsh way to find out. The only other reason I can imagine why this might be considered rude would be that this would be an insult to the parent. The reason why this might be an insult would be that 1. the parent believes there is something to be ashamed of about adoption. (They're not really yours). Or 2. It's just an invasive comment. The end of the article seems to implicitly back up these other reasons. The list of related "stupid and thoughtless things that people say when kids really are adopted include:

* Which child is 'really' yours?
* How much did you pay for them?
* Why did their parents give them up?
* Where are their 'real' parents?
* Couldn't you have your own kids?
* Why didn't you adopt an American child?
* Are they 'real' brothers and sisters?
* Do they have the same father? "

I recognize that belief in the idea of "real" and, I suppose, "fake" children is ignorant and unkind, but they only carry weight if the parent feels at least to some extent vulnerable to those kinds of attacks. Also, these are just invasive, personal questions I would be tentative to ask of even my closest friends. But these are much harsher than the article's title question: is she adopted? That such a question would be considered rude, stupid, or annoying indicates to me that there do exist some real biases against adoption, or assumptions about the extent of "realness" in adoptive families.